"Memories & Mayhem"

Well folks I finally did it! I started my winter exercise regime. I have planned it since the pool closed at Easter but every day I find another excuse to avoid donning the joggers and doing a healthy "lap" around the block in the evening.

Oh the dreams I held for myself at the end of summer! I was sooooooo farking good and feeling so far up myself after going swimming for hours every afternoon that I thought I could conquer mountains!

The loss of the summer pool meant the end of my daily laps around and around and around in endless circles... slowly exercising my useless stiff knees and building up my chest muscles (lift those titties high!!!) and improving my breathing to such an extent that when I talk in a deep, husky, breathless voice I REALLY MEAN to be using deep/breathless and husky... not just struggling to get the words out!!!

My winter activity dream was to dust off the joggers and fluff up the instep lifting innersoles so that I could bounce merrily around the block time and time again!!! Ha!!! that idea got buggered real quick!!

Every night I look at the spot the joggers used to be in and wonder what the hell I did with the bloody things! Then lo and behold, the daughter found the missing felons buried deep in the back of my car the other week and I have been feeling guilty about NOT putting them on ever since!

So tonight was the night.... no more excuses... this was it... I got back from the bus run at 5pm .... took a pre-emptive pitstop at the loo (in case my bladder couldn't manage a walk around the block!)... knocked the cobwebs out of the joggers and fluffed up the expensive inner soles and jammed the buggers on my feet! I can tell you that I was stepping pretty high as I tried to balance on the uplifting inner support soles!!

But I made it to the front door of the shop.... ventolin in one pocket and mobile phone in the other in case I had to ring the ambulance for a rescue! and off I went! Rather speedily at first (thank God this arvo is warmer than the last few nights).... then I slowed to a crawl by the time I got to the end of the shops. I pretended to check out the murals while I caught my breath and then waddled on for another hundred feet... where I found a neighbour to chat to! (another rest stop!). But I continued on bravely up the street and around the FIRST corner! ... I could see Barry's shop in the distance (next block) and headed off with renewed enthusiasm.

My plan was to waddle my way halfway round the block to Barry's shop and take a rest stop and buy some split peas for a soup I was planning.. Then I would head to the next corner and pull in at the Cook's house for a relaxing cuppa and a sit down... then eventually make my way back to the shop.

However... I made it as far as The Boy's house, where I heard heavy metal music blasting out the front door.... "Thank God, a rescue!" I thought to myself as I shoved the dog out of the way and dragged my exhausted self up the front steps and into the hallway. The Boy heard my screams for help and turned off the music so he could hear what I was up to......

So I took the chance to sit a while and have another rest and catch up on the week's activities with The Boy for once. Of course one thing led to another and in no time at all I had polished off half a bottle of Advocaat (minus the milk because I am dieting!!!) and was incapable of walking to the front gate - let alone the rest of the way around the block!! So The Boy had to walk me back to shop for my own safety! Bugger!!

Better luck tomorrow night!!!!